Hate God

On the edge of my 28, I do (did n will do) lots of sin. And I'm not gonna quit soon; I enjoy my lust.. Any temptation is a good way to get lost & be happy, even for a moment XD

And many times when someone asked me about what's my religion, I always laughed and said I'm an atheist. It doesn't make any difference in any relationship anyway. For me, if they wanna get close with me or walk away just because I seldom go to church, then it's their choices. I believe that none of those faiths teach us that we shall be far away from those sinful (sorry if I said wrong).

Why?

It's a common question asked by those who really care, or just being kepo :)

And I just told them that I'm an open minded person; for me, any religion is good. If I would have a chance to have my second marriage, perhaps I'd follow his religion. 

Usually, they just be quiet after I answered like that.

About 2 months after knowing me, my partner in office asked me, "Do you hate God?"

I looked at her,  18 yo girl who has Javanese accent and laughed. "Me? Hating God? Nope."

"Then why did you say that?" her big eyes stared me.

"Well... I believe in God actually, I'm grateful for everything I have. And many times in my desperate, I asked Him. I bend on my knees. I cried and called His name.. Then I realize that I'm just not ready for Him. I don't blame Him or destiny for any burden in my life, but for now, I just think that I'm not ready and I don't belong there, in God's house.. I've lost my passion. But still, I have faith.."

If one day someone ask what my religion is, I really wish that I could answer that my religion is kindness :)

Have faith, readers! 

Gbu :)